"But you can have one, surely?"

And other things people say when you quit drinking

"Surely you can have one now and again?"

This was one of the first things said to me by a friend when I told them I had stopped drinking.

I was discussing a holiday I'd been looking into but part of the trip involved a visit to a vineyard. I knew it was something I would have to prepare myself for. My friend didn't want me to feel excluded on the holiday and thought it would be perfectly OK for me to have a drink even if it was just for the wine-tasting. But why would I want to undo all my hard work and try wines I will never drink? I probably would've carried on drinking for the rest of my holiday and then no doubt months after my holiday. I know I'd be back to drinking every day. What a shame that would have been. So no, I won't be having one now and again.

"But you don't drink that much do you?".

The question here is, how much is 'that much'? One large glass of wine is 3 units. So if I had just one glass of wine a day (it would always be large), that's 21 units a week - way over the recommended 14. Then I'd probably drink more at the weekend. When I tried to moderate, I still struggled to keep it under 14. The thing is, drinking is so normalised that 14 units are not considered a lot.

"Were you an alcoholic then?"

Alcoholic. Personally, I don't like that word. To me, calling someone an alcoholic, shames them, as if they are somehow a weak individual with no willpower or self-esteem. No one should feel ashamed to be addicted to a highly addictive drug, that is openly available to buy and is pushed on us at every turn!

You don't have to be drinking Special Brew out of a can on a park bench or sipping vodka in a teacup before breakfast to have some kind of dependency on it. For the majority of people, there is a mental dependency on alcohol. The belief that alcohol does something positive for us, when in fact it is quite the opposite.

If thinking that a glass of wine will relax you after a hectic day, it will help you socialise at an event or it will send you off to sleep when you're worried about something, then you have a dependency on alcohol. If that's an alcoholic, then I guess I was.

"Oh, no, I could never quit drinking"

A couple of people have said this to me and I would have said the same thing too. Drinking alcohol is so ingrained in our society that the idea of life without it seems alien. Drinking alcohol is almost a hobby in itself. Hours spent in the pub, drink after drink just talking and talking (eventually slurring and repeating).

It is the go-to for any celebration, or commiseration, to accompany certain foods and even to relieve boredom.

So I do understand how hard just the thought of not drinking can be, let alone committing to it. But as time has gone on, I've discovered that I can survive a night out, a free bar, a weekend away in Spain, just to name a few. And not just survive, but thrive!

"You're no fun anymore"

Believe it or not, it was my 80-year-old mother who said this. Which is weird because it's not as if the two of us went out drinking together. Many consider sobriety to be boring, but that's only because their lifestyle to some degree revolves around drinking. My lifestyle has changed a lot. Now I look for things to do that don't have to involve drinking at all. The idea of just sitting in a pub all day drinking seems such a waste of time. Those nights of slurred conversations that I was unlikely to remember the next day anyway. Imagine how it feels to always remember and enjoy your time. Oh, and I don't think anyone finds hangovers fun, do they?

"You can treat yourself now and again though"

Go on, treat yourself....have a poisonous, highly addictive drug! I don't understand the concept of treating yourself with something that is bad for you. Whether it's an ultra-processed piece of food or a glass of wine. How is that treating you? Treating yourself would be a massage, or a healthy salad full of superfoods. Drinking alcohol is not a treat.

"Everything in moderation"

I agree with this sentiment with some things but moderation with alcohol isn't always so easy. If you're trying to moderate alcohol as you read this, then ask yourself:

• Are you wishing it was the day that you allowed yourself to drink?

• Are you having to buy small-volume bottles/cans so that you drink less in one sitting?

• Are you purposely driving so that you can't drink but don't enjoy the evening?

• Do you enjoy your evening less when you're trying to manage the number of drinks you have?

• Do you find drink creeping back into your life again?

• Do you find yourself thinking about alcohol more than you'd like?

• Is moderating making you unhappy?

If you answer yes to any of these, then I can promise you, it will be easier when you finally just stop drinking altogether.