Navigating social events

How I learned to say no and still have a life

Not long ago, I turned down an all-expenses-paid work trip to Barcelona. To some, it might sound like madness. Sun, sea, tapas, and networking in a beautiful city, all on the company card. But I knew myself well enough to realise that this was not a trip that would serve me.

Two nights of social events, both had a free bar. They were held in venues that weren’t near the hotel, meaning once you were in, you were in. No early escape. In the past I would have snapped up a trip like this. Sure, I didn't know anyone, but after a few drinks, I'll be having a great time. Now I no longer drink, I could picture the evenings: me, sober, surrounded by people I didn't know, trying to make small talk over the increasing volume of booze-fuelled banter, watching the clock crawl toward midnight. It didn’t fill me with joy. It filled me with dread.

So, I said no.

If you’ve recently quit drinking, the idea of missing out on social events might feel disappointing. We’re told again and again that connection happens in the pub, the bar, the bottom of a shared bottle. But in the early days of sobriety, protecting your progress has to come first.

Sometimes that means opting out.

That doesn’t mean you’ll never enjoy a party again. I promise, there will come a time when you can go to weddings, birthdays, dinners, and drinks with friends and not feel like you're missing out. You'll stand in a crowded room with a sparkling water or an alcohol-free beer and feel absolutely fine. But in the beginning, that kind of confidence and ease might not be there yet, and that’s okay.

When you do go out, a bit of planning goes a long way. Here are some things that helped me. Practical Steps for Social Success Without Alcohol:

• Plan ahead: Know what kind of event you're going to. Who will be there? How long do you want to stay? What’s the vibe?
  

• Decide what you’ll drink before you go: Whether it’s sparkling water, a zero-alcohol beer, or your favourite soft drink, make your choice before you’re faced with the bar.
  

• Bring your own drinks: If you’re going to a house party or BBQ, come with something you enjoy. Don’t rely on the host to think of non-alcoholic options.
  

• Have an exit strategy: Know how you’ll leave. Don’t get stranded. If you’re somewhere remote, sort your own transport or drive.
  

• Drive yourself: You'll find it easier if you don't offer to be the designated driver for other drinkers. At least to start. This means you won't be tied to other people who want to stay for 'one more drink'.
  

• Know what you’ll say: People will ask why you’re not drinking. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but it helps to have a simple response ready that can't be twisted. If you say you're taking a break, people might try to convince you otherwise. A good one is "Drinking makes me anxious" or "I'm happier since I stopped drinking". It would be unlikely someone will want you to be anxious or unhappy.
  

• Enjoy the first hour or two: The beginning of any event is usually the best part, people are still coherent, the conversation is flowing, and the energy is fresh. That’s your golden window.
  

• Play it forward: Before you go out, take a mental walk through what that night might look like if you drank. How does it usually end? How might you feel in the morning? For many of us, the answer is: tired, anxious, regretful, hungover, angry that you've drank. Skip to the end. Is it worth it?
  

• Make a morning plan: Book a class, arrange a walk, or just commit to enjoying your morning coffee outside. You’ll wake up fresh, clear-headed, and proud and that feeling is unbeatable.
  

There’s a myth that sobriety equals isolation. That if you stop drinking, you stop living. The truth is, you start living on your own terms. You begin to notice who you are when you’re not managing the aftermath of drinking, not counting how many you’ve had, not regretting what you said.

You also realise that most of the joy you used to associate with alcohol wasn’t from the alcohol, it was from connection, laughter, music, movement, or food. Those things don’t disappear when you put the bottle down.

Quitting drinking isn’t about shrinking your world, it’s about reshaping it. So if you’re not ready for the big night out yet, that’s okay. You’re not weak, you’re wise. And when the time comes, you’ll show up, on your terms, with a clear head. And the truth is, it gets easier, I promise. There was a time before alcohol when you had fun socialising with friends. OK, that might be many years ago, but since alcohol was introduced into your life, you've been led to believe it's something you need. But you don't need it, you never did. You can get through life without it and it will be better!