What we teach our children about alcohol

I don't have children, but since quitting drinking, I've often reflected on my own childhood. I remember how my well-meaning grandmother introduced me to alcohol. She allowed me to have a Snowball at a family event. For those unfamiliar, a Snowball is a mix of Advocaat and lemonade. It was an easy-to-drink option that many of us enjoyed back in the 1980s. Later, my holiday drink of choice became a Malibu and pineapple, a sweet and fruity concoction.

Do you remember those days? Or perhaps you're considering introducing your own children to alcohol with a similar sweet, easy-to-drink option?

Many parents attempt to “take the mystery out of alcohol” by offering a small sip at home. The intention seems kind and sensible: if children learn about alcohol in a safe environment, they won’t binge later. However, research tells a different story. Studies show that when parents supply alcohol, even just “a taste,” their teens are more likely to drink excessively and face alcohol-related issues as they grow older. The supervised sip doesn’t protect against bingeing; in fact, it may normalise alcohol as a way to cope or socialise.

We often compare our approach to alcohol with “the French way,” believing it to be the ideal method. We picture elegant family meals where children sip watered-down drinks and grow up with a moderate attitude towards alcohol. This romantic image is captivating, but again, the data doesn’t support the idea that an early introduction prevents future problems.

Even without directly introducing alcohol, we inadvertently teach children that adults use it to relax and have fun. We don’t mean any harm. It’s the casual jokes about “wine o’clock,” the fizz at celebrations, or the cold beer after a long day. Little ears are always listening.

What do they learn from us? That grown-up feelings are best handled with a drink. They come to believe that joy is brighter and stress is softer when there’s alcohol in the glass. Children are brilliant mimics. If our ritual is “feeling → drink,” they will learn that. Conversely, if our ritual is “feeling → breathe, move, talk, rest, ask for help,” they will learn that too. Our role isn’t to prepare them for a lifetime of managing emotions with a chemical; it’s to show them they already possess the tools they need inside.

There’s a harder truth we often sidestep. Alcohol isn’t a harmless rite of passage. The World Health Organisation classifies it as a Group 1 carcinogen, the same category as tobacco and asbestos.

We would never soften the “mystery” of cigarettes by offering a drag or any other drug. Yet, we perform moral gymnastics with alcohol because it’s woven into our social lives. When we present alcohol as the adult solution, eg, “Mum needs a glass to unwind,” or “Dad deserves a pint after that”, we’re also presenting a script. Children are excellent mimics.

So, what can we do differently? Here are some suggestions:

• Be open about feelings: Share how you handle emotions without alcohol. Whether it’s a walk, a bath, a chat, journaling, or an early night, name those choices out loud. This shows children that there are many ways to cope.

  
  

• Talk about health honestly: Discuss the risks of alcohol in an age-appropriate manner. Alcohol can cause cancer and other harms; that’s why we keep children away from it. You don’t need to frighten them, just be factual.

  
  

• Model celebration without a bottle: Celebrate life’s moments with cakes, music, fire pits, board games, or stargazing. Let joy be joy, unassisted.

  
  

If you’ve introduced sips in the past, remember: you’re not a bad parent. You were doing your best in a culture that constantly tells us alcohol is the shortcut to connection and calm. From today, you can choose a different narrative for your family. Teach them that feelings are safe to feel, that fun doesn’t need fuel, and that your children are strong enough and resilient enough to meet life head-on.

In this journey, let’s empower ourselves and our children to embrace a fulfilling, joyful, and purposeful alcohol-free life. Together, we can break free from the chains of problematic drinking and create a healthier future.

If you're looking for support, consider exploring resources that can help you on this path. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey.