What we teach our children about alcohol

I don't have children, but since quitting, I've thought back to my own childhood. How I was introduced to alcohol by a well-meaning grandmother who 'allowed' me a Snowball at a family event. For those that don't know, a Snowball is Advocaat and Lemonade. An easily palatable alcoholic drink that seemed to be the go-to for the young back in the 1980s. Later, this was upgraded to a Malibu and Pineapple on holiday with my parents. You may remember such times, or maybe you're introducing your own children to alcohol with a sweet, easy-to-drink option?

Many parents try to “take the mystery out of alcohol” by offering a small sip at home. The hope is kind and sensible on the surface: if they learn with us, they won’t binge later. But the evidence doesn’t back that up. Studies following families over time find that when parents supply alcohol, even just “a taste”, their teens are more likely to drink more and experience alcohol-related harms as they get older. The supervised sip doesn’t protect against bingeing; if anything, it normalises alcohol as part of coping and socialising.

We sometimes compare ourselves to “the French way” and consider that this is the best way to deal with alcohol. Imagining elegant family meals where children have a watered-down glass and therefore grow up moderate. The romantic picture is powerful, but again, the data doesn't support the idea that early introduction prevents problems. Even without introducing alcohol directly, we educate children that alcohol is something that adults use to relax and have fun. We don’t mean any harm. It’s the throwaway jokes about “wine o’clock”, the fizz at celebrations, the cold beer after a long day. Little ears are always listening. What do they learn? That grown-up feelings are best handled with a drink. That joy is brighter and stress is softer if there’s alcohol in the glass. They copy our words and our rituals. If the ritual is “feeling → drink”, they learn it. If the ritual is “feeling → breathe, move, talk, rest, ask for help”, they learn that instead. Our job isn’t to prepare them for a lifetime of managing emotions with a chemical; it’s to show them they already have what they need inside them.

There’s also a harder truth we tend to sidestep. Alcohol isn’t a harmless rite of passage. It’s classified by the World Health Organisation’s cancer research arm as a Group 1 carcinogen, the same category as tobacco and asbestos. We would never soften the “mystery” of cigarettes by offering a drag, nor any other drug. Yet we do that moral gymnastics with alcohol because it’s woven into our social lives.

When we present alcohol as the adult solution, “Mum needs a glass to unwind”, “Dad deserves a pint after that”, we’re also presenting a script. Children are brilliant mimics.

So what can we do differently?

• Be open about feelings and how you handle them without alcohol: a walk, a bath, a chat, journalling, or an early night. Name those choices out loud.

• Talk about health honestly and age-appropriately. Alcohol can cause cancer and other harms; that’s why we keep children away from it. You don’t need to frighten them, just be factual.

• Model celebration without a bottle. Cakes, music, fire pits, board games, stargazing. Let joy be joy, unassisted.
  

If you’ve introduced sips in the past, you’re not a bad parent. You were doing your best in a culture that constantly tells us alcohol is the shortcut to connection and calm. From today, you can choose another story for your family: that feelings are safe to feel, that fun doesn’t need fuel, and that your children are strong enough, resilient enough, to meet life head on.